Cornacki's Corner
IDLNC's Chief Political Correspondent
Steve Cornacki here, reporting live from the Dogcision 2024 Primaries! Let me tell ya, folks, this year's primaries are heating up faster than my Great Grampy Jiffy Pop on a cast iron cooktop! We've got incredible dogs from all three parties, the Leg-Lifters, the Bigggg Stretchers, and the Squatters, competing for the spotlight. I'll keep my googly eyes on the prize to bring you all the latest kernels of truth. Stay tuned, folks!
THE VOTE IS NOW CLOSED! Stay tuned for the BIG election coming this November.
Welcome to the primary voting process! Cast your vote for one pup from each presidential pawlitical using the ballot to your right.Be sure to hit "submit" after marking each choice!
You can learn more about each nominee just below!
Rest assured, your vote will be strictly confidential. Please only vote once, and beware of hanging chads.
Primary winners will be announced on Friday, November 15th! Good luck to all these Good Boys, Good Girls, and Earth Angels.
Welcome to the primary voting process! Cast your vote for one pup from each presidential pawlitical using the ballot just below. Be sure to hit "submit" after marking each choice!
You can learn more about each nominee by scrolling down the page a bit.
Rest assured, your vote will be strictly confidential. Please only vote once, and beware of hanging chads.
Primary winners will be announced on Friday, November 15th! Good luck to all these Good Boys, Good Girls, and Earth Angels.
Meet the Pups!
Dottie Traynor, Squatter
Four-year-old rescue pup from Alabama, now residing in the great state of New Jersey.
Favorite movie: The Lighthouse
Recently tried to eat a hearing aid.
Enjoys leaving tiny poop surprises around the house.
What are these dogs you speak of?
Pees when excited.
Initiatives: Make fresh seedless watermelon available in every dog's home all year round. Tougher squirrel legislation. How make chocolate ok for dog.
Slogan: NOTHING scares ME, but trucks, balloons, sudden movements, hats, big treats, and a weak Squatter Party.
Skye Ben, AKA "Chewbacca," Squatter
One-year-old pup residing in the great state of Florida.
Skye is always ready to turn any moment into a hilarious adventure!
Slogan: Where every wag is a joyful journey!
Rocco McAfee, Leg-Lifter
Sixteen-year-old rescue pup with a mohawk residing in the great state of California.
Rocco was rescued as a pup after being thrown out a car window onto a busy street.
He's blind in one eye but still sees all the good in humanity from his other eye.
He enjoys walks of approximately half a block that take about 30 minutes while he sniffs every single blade of grass, tree, and shrub to find the perfect 10 to 15 to lift a leg on.
Initiatives: More snuggles, freshly cooked eggs, and Xmas sweaters for all dogs everywhere.
Slogan: Where goeses? I come with? Ess. I come with.
Stuart "Stu" Beall, Leg-Lifter
Nine-year-old pup residing in the great state of Florida.
Can tear apart an "unbreakable" toy in under 60 seconds.
Super sweet, super protective, and loves to counter-surf (since he can reach everything!).
Initiatives: Worldwide ban on "unbreakable" toys, lower countertops for ease of reach, warm binkies available to every dog on demand.
Slogan: I'm cold. May I please have a binkie?
Tucker Beall, Bigggg Stretcher
Two-year-old pup residing in the great state of Florida.
Tucker's nickname is "Gentle Soul" because he is the sweetest little snuggler.
Tucker LOVES to watch non-human creatures on TV. Horses, dogs, aliens, werewolves, anything that isn't a human but is running around—he wants to join them!
Initiatives: Expand the reach and quality of dog television. Develop a dog writer's guild.
Slogan: Let's play, let's snuggle! May I sit in your lap?
Cricket Sticky Wicket, Bigggg Stretcher
Two-year-old pup residing in the great state of California.
Aliases include: Snooker, Spicy Nugget, Bossy Pants, Sweetness, and WiggleButt.
Has strong opinions and top confidence in their rightness.
Potentially responsible for knocking their Mom into a river one time. But not really. Technically-- her fault.
Not afraid of the big dogs!
Initiatives: Throw the ball. More belly rubs. Develop a program for humans to learn how to walk safely near rivers.
Slogan: Everything! Everywhere! All at once at top speed!
Midas Farmer, Bigggg Stretcher
Three-year-old pup residing in the great state of Virginia.
Strongly against the notion that people food isn’t for dogs and will argue that point to no end by staring you down with puppy dog eyes.
Once ate a small Winnie the Pooh figurine that almost killed me. It was the “Pooh” that stopped the “poo.”
I produce enough "golden glitter" to match my own weight on the daily, making me a job creator for Roombas everywhere.
Initiatives: More cuddles and more tennis balls.
Slogan: Explain it to me like I’m a golden retriever, and I’ll pretend to listen while staring at that sandwich on your plate.
Baxter York, Bigggg Stretcher
Five-year-old pup residing in the great state of California.
Baxter loves popcorn, long walks in the park, chasing birds, barking at cats, and belly rubs.
Has highly expressive eyes.
Looks great in a casual polo.
Initiatives: If elected, he promises to be the goodest boy and to uphold all the values of a dog, including eating, snoozing, barking, and having his snoot booped.
Slogan: Popcorn, plzzz.
Teddy “Roosevelt” Graham Busby, Bigggg Stretcher
Four-year-old pup residing in the great state of Alabama.
1/2 Shih Tzu and 1/2 Bichon Frise - a hybrid breed called a “Teddy Bear."
A lovable, entertaining pup that brings joy and laughter to any household!
Teddy is the brain behind the brawn of his buddy, Max the Sheepadoodle.
Initiatives: Negotiating Square Deals with Sheepadoodles everywhere!
Slogan: Teddy “Roosevelt” Graham Busby is Fetching Votes and Making America Wag Again!
About the Race
Dogs. Our pets. Our best friends. Our children. Our good girls. Our good boys. Our co-workers. Our political leaders. Our president.
At IDLance, we believe that dogs, with their boundless loyalty, innate wisdom, and undeniable charisma, are more than deserving of a seat at the political table. Our mission is to redefine the boundaries of what's possible in the realm of canine contributions, challenging the conventional notions of leadership and representation.
Join us as we enter a new era where barks are heard, tails held high, and the question "Why not dogs?" becomes a rallying cry for a world where canine leadership is not only accepted but celebrated.
Squatter Party
The illustrious history of the Squatter Party, representing our canine friends with a penchant for genteel urination, traces its roots back through the annals of time. From the noble hounds of antiquity to the regal companions of monarchs, the tradition of squatting in dignified repose has been passed down through generations. In the medieval courts, royal advisors would take note of a dog's squatting prowess as a sign of loyalty and wisdom, cementing the Squatter Party's influence in the highest echelons of canine society.
Today, as the Squatter Party continues its legacy, it stands as a testament to the grace, sophistication, and historical richness that defines this esteemed canine political movement.
Leg-Lifter Party
The Leg-Lifter Party traces its spirited history back through the ages. Born in the vibrant tapestry of dogdom, this party, championing those who lift their legs with unparalleled exuberance, has roots deeply embedded in the communal markings of ancient dog tribes. In the courts of yore, leg-lifting prowess became a revered skill, symbolizing strength, dominance, and a keen understanding of territorial diplomacy. Renowned leg-lifters throughout history, from the regal hounds of emperors to the trailblazing pioneers of new lands, have contributed to the rich tapestry of the Leg-Lifter Party.
Today, as they continue to leave their mark in both the literal and figurative sense, the Leg-Lifter Party stands tall, united by a shared legacy of exuberant elevation and spirited camaraderie.
Bigggg Stretch Party
Rooted in the ancient traditions of dogs who reveled in the art of relaxation, the Biggggg Stretch Party reaches back to a time when each stretch was celebrated as a profound expression of vitality and well-being. In high society, dogs who executed majestic stretches were bestowed with honorary titles, marking the genesis of a legacy that would endure through centuries. As the party evolved, the camaraderie among dedicated stretch enthusiasts grew, fostering a community where every elongated movement was met with exuberant cries of "BIGGGGGGG STRETCHHH."
Today, the "Biggggggg Stretch" Party continues its legacy, uniting dogs in a shared appreciation for the rejuvenating power of a good stretchie-poo, a testament to the timeless bond between canine and owner that transcends the ages.
Sit. Stay. Vote.